27- Picture Day

Today was picture day at school. I had completely forgotten about it, but was reminded when I saw that every student in my class had dressed up. The rich kids were squeaky clean; the boys looked like they had used a squeegee to plaster their hair down into two separate parts, and the girls resembled little brides with all the white lace on their dresses. The less fortunate kids had also done their best to dress in style; the boys had tucked their T-shirts into their pants and put on belts, and the girls had worn skirts and done their hair in special styles. There was an air of elegance in the classroom today. The kids did their best to live up to the outfits that they wore.

Our time for pictures was right after lunch, and up until then, the day had run seamlessly. As I herded my students onto the stage, and lined them up for their pictures, I enjoyed watching them primp for the big moment. Then Picture Guy handed out little combs for the kids to groom themselves. The girls smoothed down their skirts and practiced smiling. The boys tried out their most suave facial expressions. Josh bragged to his classmates about how his cowboy- style shirt had snap buttons, rather than the button-hole kind.

One by one, they went through the line. Smile! Flash! Smile! Flash! An utterly flawless experience, until, of course, Josh sat down on the stool. Picture Guy told Josh to smile. Josh smiled. Picture Guy lifted his hand to snap the photo, and with perfect timing, Josh ripped open his snap-button cowboy shirt. Underneath, he was wearing an extremely inappropriate, adult-content shirt. It had a picture of a woman leaning over in a very short skirt to reveal a lot more than her long legs and rosy bottom.

Josh revealed his smut shirt about a fraction of a second before the camera’s flash went off. I heard Picture Guy mutter, “Holy shit.” Horrified and embarrassed, I ran to Josh and buttoned him up, hoping to cover him before any other students could see what he was wearing. Needless to say, I sent Josh directly to The Intimidator’s office. After Picture Guy recovered from shock, he tried to reassure me, “Don’t worry, Miss, it’s a head shot. Only thing in the picture will be above the shoulders.”

After picture time, seven different students came up to me to ask about, “that lady on Josh’s T-shirt.”