74- Stripper Mom

I get a new student today; a little white boy from Texas. His mother brought him in this morning. The student’s name is Jamie and he speaks with an adorable cowboy accent. A Texas accent is quite different from a Carolina accent; it’s heavier and a little less charming. After speaking with Jamie for only a few minutes, I figured out that he is a smart boy with great manners.
Jamie’s mother, on the other hand, is an overweight, loud-mouthed redneck. The woman looks like fat Pamela Anderson. My jaw dropped when I saw that she was wearing a low-cut, leopard print dress that clung to her every curve and jelly roll. Pink, plastic high-heeled shoes buckled under the weight of her body.
She introduced her son proudly, “Hello, Teacher, my name is Cheryl Goats. You can call me Cheryl. Or Destiny. That’s my stage name. Destiny...”
Stage name?
“…and this is my son, Jamie Goats.” Mrs. Goats shoved her hand into mine and pumped enthusiastically. Her voice was loud and her lipstick was bright. “My boy, here, is a mighty smart youngin’. You’ll find that out real quick.”
It took every bit of will power to force my eyes not to wander to the lady’s enormous breasts. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m delighted to have Jamie in my class.” I shook her hand and smiled.
I gave Jamie and Mrs. Goats a tour of the classroom and explained the rules and expectations. Mother and child listened obediently, and marveled at the newness of their surroundings.
My new student settled comfortably into his new seat and began his first writing assignment; a questionnaire that I had created at the beginning of the year to get to know my students’ interests. As Jamie worked, I walked his mother to the door.
She shook my hand again, and in her booming Texas twang insisted that I call her if I ever needed help. “I always helped little Jamie’s teachers in Texas. Parties, snacks, games- you name it, honey, and I’ll do it! I ain’t one of those do-nothin’-for-nobody types.” Mrs. Goats shook her bubble of over-moussed hair with a chubby hand. “Call me anytime. Anytime. I work nights, so I’m free in the day. My number’s on this here paper.”
Mrs. Goats handed me a form with all of her contact information. After blowing 18 kisses to Jamie, the woman walked heavily out of my classroom.
I glanced down at Mrs. Goat’s information sheet.
Employer: Diamond’s Dancing Girls, Inc.
Occupation: Stripper