3- Class Moms

It’s the strangest thing, as the kids were all coming in this morning, I could have sworn I saw Mr. Love, the school custodian, slap one of the moms on the ass. My eyes must have been still groggy from sleep…. Except I did see the mom smile at him, and I thought I heard a giggle.
Anyway, on the topic of MOMS--- they won’t quit coming into my classroom. Many of them, and a few dads, have been walking their kids into the room in the mornings. These kids are old enough to be dropped off at the front door and left to fend for themselves. Taylor’s mom has even gone as far as to come into the room, walk the boy to his seat, unpack his book bag, and then massage his shoulders while he does his morning work. Is she out of her mind? I politely suggested yesterday, and now this morning, that she stop doing that- we’ll see what happens tomorrow.
I also have a Class Mom who, apparently, has a reputation for undermining the teacher’s authority while visiting in the classroom. She has been Class Mommy every year that her daughter, Francesca, has been in Elementary School, and many of the other teachers have warned me about her wicked ways. Word on the street is that Class Mommy believes she owns the class. I think I got a little taste of this attitude today…
After lunch, I line the kids up outside of the bathroom, to give them all the opportunity to go before we return to our classroom. I tell them that they should try to go, even if they don’t have to, so they do not interrupt valuable teaching time. This is the rule: they try to go or they hold it until Related Areas, which is about 90 minutes later. This is a very reasonable timeframe.
Today, after bathroom break, we returned to class to discover… Surprise! Class Mommy is standing in the middle of my classroom with a tray full of cupcakes! (Obviously, she did not get the school newsletter requesting that parents please avoid bringing in unhealthy snacks.)
The pretty brunette woman was wearing a designer tennis outfit, with matching shoes and visor. Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a fluffy ponytail to reveal monstrous sized diamonds hanging from each of her earlobes.
“The school is on my way to the Country Club, so I thought I’d surprise the kids with some snacks before my tennis match.” Class Mommy flashed her pearly white teeth and proceeded to distribute cupcakes to my students.
So there we were, celebrating nothing during precious learning time, and all of a sudden I hear Ajith sneeze. A few kids giggle as Ajith puts his hands between his legs to hold himself. Class Mommy sees this and says, “Awwww! Baby, do you need to go to the restroom?”
Of course Ajith nods, even though we all know that he is just paranoid about wetting himself and does not really need to go. (After the first day, I made a phone call home to find out about his situation, and learned it is usually a false alarm.) Class Mommy ushers Ajith towards the door and tells him, “You just go right ahead, sweetie. Go on!”
Meanwhile, Josh, my challenging student has observed all of this and suddenly he falls from his desk to the ground. Clutching at his groin area with both hands, he dramatically groans, “Ohhhh! Oh, man! I have to peeeeeeeee! Teacher! I gotta go soooooo bad!” Immediately, Class Mommy runs over to him. Ignoring my protests, she baby talks to Josh and gives him permission to go to the bathroom.
I felt helpless as I watched the devil child run out of my classroom. Before I could exhale, Class Mommy was standing in front of me with her arms crossed and a disapproving look upon her face. With her charming, southern smile, she asked, “When was the last time you let these little darlings go to the restroom?” Her eyes narrowed a little bit, and I felt worried she was going to try to choke me with a cupcake. I opened my mouth to explain the bathroom procedures, but she waved her hand at me dismissively.
In disbelief, I watched as Class Mommy clapped her hands and announced to my entire classroom that she was taking them “on a little trip to the Girls’ and Boys’ rooms.”
Who does Class Mommy think she is? The audacity!
I felt stunned and uncomfortable. I did not want to argue with Class Mommy in front of my students. Instead, I helped her line them all up and march them down the hall to the bathroom. I was so frustrated, I felt like crying.
Predictably, when we reached the bathrooms, there had been an “incident” with Josh. Ajith was crying because Josh had tried to make him wash his hands in the toilet.
When Class Mommy realized that the kids were starting to be a handful, she quickly ducked out. “Oh, my goodness! Look at the time, need to scoot if I want to make my match on time! Bye, bye, ‘y’all.” As suddenly as she had appeared, Class Mommy disappeared, leaving me alone to clean up her mess.