87- "Ralph"

I stopped by Coach’s office after school today. I wanted to thank him for watching my class last Friday afternoon. The humiliation of puking in front of Principal had worn off a little, but as soon as Coach saw me, he started to laugh.
“Hey, it’s Ralph!” He teased.
News spreads like wildfire in a school. I’m sure the entire faculty knew about my “situation” within an hour after it had happened. Several of them now refer to me as Ralph.
“Thanks for watching my class on Friday. I really appreciate it.”
“Aww, Ralph! No problem.” Coach pretended to punch the air around him. He winked, “Anytime, little lady.”
I like Coach. Despite his obvious fondness for marijuana and his tendency to make sexist remarks, the man is friendly and means well. Luckily, I do not run into him very often. The gym and his office are located on the opposite side of the building from my classroom. When I drop my students off for PE, Coach is usually busy, so the only time we really talk is at Faculty Meetings.
“So, Ralphie, you got a little bun in the oven? Eh?” Coach pointed at my stomach. “You preggers? Yeah?”
Is he serious?
“No, I just had a stomach virus.”
Coach winked again. “You can tell me,” he said this like we were old pals sharing a secret. “I won’t tell anyone.”
He was getting on my nerves. “Women can throw up for reasons other than being pregnant. I had a stomach virus.”
Coach loved to tease, and he knew he had struck a nerve. Grinning from ear to ear, he put his finger to his lips and started giggling. “Your secret is safe with me!”
I wasn’t in the mood to joke. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Are you stoned right now?”
Oh damn, why did I ask that?
Coach’s smile faded from his face. He giggled once more, but this time he seemed nervous, “What’s that?” he asked.
“Stoned. Are you stoned right now?” I repeated my question. I felt like a bitch, but the guy had made me angry.
Coach’s eyes darted around; checking to make sure no one was around to hear. “Shhhh!” he said. “No! No!” He looked around his office, like it might be bugged, “Don’t ask me questions like that! Not here.”
“Fine.” I said, “You’re not stoned and I’m not pregnant. Let’s just leave it at that.” I winked at Coach, and then turned around and left his office.
I felt like a jerk, but I wanted to put an end to any future speculation and gossip before it even began. Hopefully I freaked Coach out enough to stop him from spreading uncomfortable rumors.